New Year. New Marriage.

“Marriage is to be held in honor among all…”

Hebrews 13:4

Marriage is sacred.

Not because of man and our own doings, but because of God and His doing.

And it is to be honored among all – including (and especially) among you and your husband.

Many marriages today suffer from complacency. Two people living around each other and sometimes together but only usually when the kids are involved or guests are around, but most of the time it’s like two roommates. They don’t really care if one comes or goes as long as their responsibilities are taken care of and their spouse doesn’t be unfaithful. That is not a thriving marriage according to Scripture… that’s just a functioning partnership with a marriage license and, if blessed, two rings thrown on top of it. That is not something to be proud of, for God did not join us together to be just partners. We are meant to delight in one another! I know some people who have been married for it feels like eons, yet whenever I am in their presence it’s like all the warmth that once, if ever, was has vacated the premises a long time ago and is not expected to come back.

Now, before I dive any further into this blog, I want to let it be known I am not some marriage expert and I do not have degrees on top of degrees for marital counseling or consulting. My only and needed studying on marriage is my Bible, my guidance is the Holy Spirit, and my Endorser is my Heavenly Father. If that’s not enough for anyone reading, the world has no problem giving you all it’s worldly advice and opinions. But as for me and my house and on this blog, we will serve the Lord.

There is more for your marriage…

My husband and I are pretty vocal people about each other both privately and publicly. We delight in one another! We have no problem lifting each other up and voicing how blessed we are that God has done such a wonderful work in our lives together and within our marriage. It amazes me yet still how many people, even professing Christians, think it odd or “Just the honeymoon phase. It will pass.” What a sad thought process and even more so what a indirect way of saying “my marriage once had life but now it’s just… meh… and I am content with it.”

“Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.”

Proverbs 5:18-19

Does that verse sound like a “meh” marriage to you? Absolutely not.

If that’s not enough, read the Song of Solomon. If you’re still not convinced, then read the Word of God and see how Christ Himself adores His bride (the Church) and how we adore Him back. It is nothing less than absolutely delightful. Fulfilling. God-honoring. Awe-worthy. And so does God calls us to be in our earthly marriages/covenants as a reflection of Him and His bride in our heavenly covenant.

Here are just the verses from the first chapter of Song of Solomon:

1 The song of songs, which is Solomon’s.

² Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.

³ Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee.

⁴ Draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers: we will be glad and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine: the upright love thee.

⁵ I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon.

⁶ Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother’s children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept.

⁷ Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thou feedest, where thou makest thy flock to rest at noon: for why should I be as one that turneth aside by the flocks of thy companions?

⁸ If thou know not, O thou fairest among women, go thy way forth by the footsteps of the flock, and feed thy kids beside the shepherds’ tents.

⁹ I have compared thee, O my love, to a company of horses in Pharaoh’s chariots.

¹⁰ Thy cheeks are comely with rows of jewels, thy neck with chains of gold.

¹¹ We will make thee borders of gold with studs of silver.

¹² While the king sitteth at his table, my spikenard sendeth forth the smell thereof.

¹³ A bundle of myrrh is my well-beloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts.

¹⁴ My beloved is unto me as a cluster of camphire in the vineyards of Engedi.

¹⁵ Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves’ eyes.

¹⁶ Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green.

¹⁷ The beams of our house are cedar, and our rafters of fir.

Some biblical advice to the married wife…

You can make a world of a difference in your own home by simply obeying Christ at His Word. Your role as a wife is to submit to and reverence your own husband. Your children do not come before him. Your friends do not come before him. Your blood family does not come before him. The lost do not come before him. Your pastor does not come before him. Only Christ comes before him – and Christ instructs us to obey your husband as long as your husband is not trying to cause harm to you or others or encouraging you to disobey God’s Word in anyway. You’d be amazed, dear sister, of the change of atmosphere you’d have in your home if you just listened to God. Reference Titus 2. Reference 1 Peter 1:1-6. Reference Proverbs 31. Reference Proverbs 20. My husband always says that though it may be unfair, us women set the thermostat within our homes. If mom is always down, frustrated, and barking orders… the home is going to feel it. If mom is smiling, fearing the Lord, and most times have a merry heart unto the Lord and serving others… the home is going to feel it. So wife, what does your husband come home to? Angry, bossy, and naggy or joyful, reverent, and content? Set the tone of your home – which is directly in your jurisdiction as the homemaker. Do not wait on your husband. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all things for the glory of God. Pour yourself in him as unto Christ.

Some husbands are naturally less romantic than others – and that’s okay. Learn to appreciate your husband for where he is. For godliness with contentment is great gain. Do not compare your husband to another’s. For how would you feel if your husband did that with you to other’s wives? Wouldn’t feel so good would it? Of course not. So instead of comparing and getting discouraged, start praying for your husband in this area and in the meantime you can kindly express and hint at here and there of things you like and also start doing sweet things for him. You can also just outright sit and talk with him one evening and share how you would love for you both to grow in that area. Not when he has just come home for work and had a long day, but at a good time and not with an accusing or condemning tone (reference the book of Esther in the Bible). Use the word “I” or “we” more than you use the word “you” in the conversation.

The truth of the matter is… it starts with Christ. The more you seek Jesus in your own walk with Him, the more you will find Him in yourself and that will overflow into your home, your marriage, your children, etc. Without Christ, we can do nothing. With Christ, all is possible. A new, revived marriage is possible. More Jesus = More joy. It is so simple, yet so profound. Sounds foolish to the world, but, oh so much wisdom! So much life!

From my own experience as a wife, God’s way is tried and true. Why not go to the Creator of it all for the manual of how it should function and be the best it can be? My husband and I have had our fair share of mishaps in marriage, yet through it all God has grown us in Him so beautifully. I am his helpmeet and he is my head within marriage under Christ. We know our God-given roles and we obey the Lord because we fear the Lord with a holy fear. A wise fear. We enjoy being good to one another. It’s almost like who can be best to the other the most. We know that we serve each other unto Christ. I love the verse in Philippians 2:4 that says, “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” For we should! It is selfless. Though the world encourages us to look out for ourselves even at the expense of others, God tells us to lookout for others despite of them and He will take care of us.

Just some fun ideas in closing…

Let me help you get started on your journey to a more joyful marriage:

1. Do the things, according to the Word, that you know your husband enjoys. If he likes a nice, hot meal when he gets home? Have it ready. No excuses. Crock-pot recipes throughout the week are awesome for busy wives and there are so many recipes out there. If he likes to return to a quiet home, help him in that. Have the kids doing quiet activities before dad walks through the door.
2. Go the extra mile – and love it! When he walks in the room may your face light up to see his. Stand up and greet him with a kiss and share that you missed him and are so glad to see him. Fix his plate and ignore the comments of other women who “dare not do such a thing.” This is your marriage. Show your husband your appreciation, especially in front of others too.
3. Walk in Christ together. For those of you with a believing husband, try reading a chapter or two every week together in the Bible and praying together daily. It matters. It’s intimate. It’s needed. You two are one so be on one accord even spiritually. Learn and grow and even fast together.
4. Plan time alone. No kids. No parents. Not even a pet. (Okay, maybe Max or Fluffy can be around.) But the less distractions the better. Set a time every week or two that your marriage is your priority for that set period of time. Just as we have to get away from the world and it’s distractions to spend quality time with our Lord and be filled and refreshed, so does our marriages need this attention. Make a deposit into your marriage and not constant withdrawals so that you’re not running on fumes and someone is not running to a divorce attorney. Do not neglect your spouse for they are your first ministry, and all those other people you think take precedence over them will not be there when you’re alone crying in an empty bed. Love you spouse and show it by setting aside time for them.
5. Make it fun! Laugh. Smile. Hug. Kiss. Enjoy. Set the tone, and even when they are not being the most pleasant (and those days will come), remember, we fight not against flesh and blood. Walk away, but do not lose courage and do not let go of your God-given joy. Just as God is with us, continue to pour love.

That is all for now, sisters. I love you and until next time, God be with all who hunger and thirst for Him and His righteousness.

The Redeemed Wife