Boundaries · Courting

Biblical Courting: Part One

I recently wrote a post on my Facebook page and decided I should share it here as well. I originally started off about to write about marriage, then God gave me something better and with those who are currently courting should see. I pray it blesses you as it has others. To God be the Glory forever and ever. Amen.
Sister, one thing I am for sure appointed to do is to help you and not tear you down.

I have been “that” girl who did many things I should not have while unsaved and for awhile even after I was saved – and I will never act like I have not. I am not ashamed of where I come from for it all brought me closer to Christ and where He has me today. Without experience, I could not teach as the Lord has so blessed me to do.
I love how the Lord takes the ugliest and darkest pasts to bless someone else and warn them from that path and give them hope of a better (the absolutely best) one in Him.

Tonight, I write to my sister who is courting with Godly intention. I don’t like the word “dating” when speaking to singles as it reminds me of worldly switch and swap. But if you are currently seeing someone and/or in relationship, here is my biblical advice for you tonight:

1. Keep God first.

That’s great that this new one gives you such warm feelings and he is just so awesome and all things lovely in your sight, but do not forget your first love. The One who has been there for you since the beginning of time and will still be for you and caring for you beyond it. No man should come before your God. Feelings are temporary so do not be led by them, but by faith. For wisdom is there and discernment is with God – and trust me, dear soul, when intentionally dating someone for possible marriage, you need them both. (reference Matthew 6:33, Jeremiah 29:13)

2. Heal. Heal. Heal.

Courting from a broken place spiritually is unwise. Until you have gone to God for deliverance and He has delivered you from past bitterness, anger, envy, jealousy, maliciousness, hatred, contorted views on marriage, perverted ideas of biblical roles, and so forth. Now, do not take this and run with it and say I expect you should be some perfect person completely. That’s nonsense, but to be healed by God from past hurts by other humans is something you absolutely should. Because if you don’t deal with it now, it’s going to keep showing up in your life and not in a good way. Let God make you new and prepare your heart for the husband He desires to give you – if it so be His will. (reference Isaiah 53:5, Psalm 147:3)

3. Be INTENTIONAL.

If he says something along the lines of “Let’s just have fun and see where this goes” or “I’m not looking for anything serious right now”… Run! Full sprint and do not look back. Before getting into a relationship with anyone, dear sister, talk it out. You do not have to talk wedding colors and honeymoon spots and how many children you want right away, but at the very least make sure you both are on the same page, especially spiritually and the importance of matrimony, and that they genuinely mean it and show it. All the other stuff can slowly be answered as the days and months pass. Many situationships have formed and have left many young girls heartbroken because they failed to have this talk and just “went with the flow.” (reference Colossians 4:5, Proverbs 21:5)

4. No settling.

When I say this I am not talking about on any fantasies of a man making six figures and model looks and always knows what you’re thinking and feeling (though that last part sounds pretty nice). Because all that stuff is worldly and already rooted in the wrong place. When I say do not settle, I mean on your biblical beliefs and the convictions of the Holy Spirit. I do not care how much he says he loves God. Discern. Discern. And discern some more. Test the spirits. If you know the Bible says do not indulge in sin or even the appearance of it, stand on it. If the Lord is giving you warning bells when your suitor is angry or having a bad day, stand on it. Do not be coerced into compromise. Stand on the truth and your faith by the Word of God, and you will be grateful for it in time to come and blessed even more so. (reference 1 John 4:1-6, 1 Corinthians 15:33, Psalm 26:4-5)

5. He needs to love God more than you.

You want a Rock-solid marriage, you both need to be standing on the Rock. If he loves God more than you and is surrendered to the Spirit, he will love you even better than he ever could if he pursued you more than the Lord and own his own accord. I cannot stress this enough, you both should be equally yoked in Christ Jesus. (reference again Matthew 6:33 and 2 Corinthians 6:14).

6. Keep it public. Keep it Christian.

You two do not need to be alone. “Isn’t that barbaric, Mrs. Murrell? This is a different time.” Not at all, precious sister. God does not change. Look to the biblical days as to how betrothment went and take some notes. Though we do not have our physical parents choosing our suitors and marrying us off anymore, we do have our Heavenly Father doing it – for those He so wills. I encourage you to not tempt yourself. If you are alone, keep adequate distance and keep room doors open. Holding of the hands, safe. If it be a peck (because making out should be reserved for marriage, but yet again I must not be “hip enough”), share it in a public place where you’re less likely to be awakening love and passions before it’s time. Fire kept in a fireplace does well and keeps a house warm. Unleashed and untamed, it burns it down. And as much as possible, keep your meeting places Christian – where there are other Christians among you. Accountability is big and it also keeps you from every appearance of evil. This all may sound silly, but I tell you this in honest – and I will share it with my own daughters at the appointed time no less. (reference 1 Thessalonians 5:22, 1 Corinthians 7:2, Ephesians 5:3)

7. *You* cannot change him.

Hear me. You cannot change him. If he is a drunkard, you cannot love bomb him into sobriety. If he be an an addict, you cannot love him to recovery. If he be an abuser, you cannot love him into tenderness. If he be a thief, you cannot love him into honesty. If he be an adulterer or fornicator within his heart, you cannot love him into faithfulness. Only God can do that – truly change a man. God will never call us to marry someone who loves sin and dabbles in it often to no godly sorrow that leads to repentance. Never. Things as such should be left in God’s hands and prayed over in love, but courting said person before salvation/deliverance is a biblical no-no. (reference 2 Corinthians 6:15, Proverbs 4:23)

8. Do not expect perfection.

With all that being said, do not expect perfection from him neither you. If you both truly be saved and know by God that you are meant to be, then be – and be in Him. A great marriage is simply two imperfect people first committed to a perfect God and then to each other. A marriage will never go wrong when this is always your outlook. Love one another. Uplift one another. Understand neither of you have it all together, bur together in Christ you have it all. Let God be the Author and Finisher of your marriage and it will be most blessed. (reference 1 Thessalonians 5:23)

I could go on, but I won’t for the sake of this post and for those with short attention spans. The age of social media, electronics, and microwave (we want it fast) everything. But I pray you continue to seek the Lord daily whether you are single, courting, or even yet married. He is wise. He knows. He loves us and does not give us anything before it’s appointed time.

Patience. It is better to wait long than marry wrong. Save yourself the heartbreak, heartache, and many tears before the throne of your Father, and just obey. I promise you, my sister, it is the better portion and you will not regret it. Many people will tell you how they married in sin and how God salvaged their relationship, that’s great. But God is not mocked. Do not take such a risk with your future. With the future of your children. For many of them also could tell you horror stories before God got a hold of them and many people have partners who never do get saved after marrying unbelievers. Do not go by what anyone says, lest it lines up with what God has already said. No matter what the world says, marriage is more than a piece of paper. It is one of the most beautiful sanctities of God you can experience upon this earth – for it represents the relationship between Christ and His bride. Let God be true, and every man a liar.

Remember, you are a gem and so treasured before God. Do not cast your pearls before swine. Walk like a daughter of the King, talk like a daughter of the King, and live like a daughter of the King for that is what you are. Do not rush anything you desire to last forever (well, until we die and our earthly covenants are fulfilled, but you get the point…lol)

Be blessed this night. ♡

– The Redeemed Wife (/Daughter on Facebook)

“For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” – Hebrews 4:12

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